A 4/20 Corporate Message

This 4/20 remember that surplus shareholder value is the reason for the season. You can have a lot of fun working, ideally from an office. As a company we like offices as our share holders and specifically our board members own a lot of commercial real-estate. Also because people like you want the perception of potential for career advancement and most low, and middle management roles are unneeded in a fully remote environment.

Our company still drug tests, and largely because Richard Nixon was racist we consider weed a very dangerous and bad drug. However the break room has coffee, and tonight we will be hosting a work happy hour with alcohol. So please stay late for booze, as if you don’t it will impact your upward mobility at this firm.

For those who don’t enbibed in booze tap water will be available. We are trying to keep the mixers for those who will be drinking this entire handle of Taka Vodka our COO picked up on the way in this morning. We hope to someday replace you with AI, but until that time, you work in our open concept, distracting as hell office building.

This has been a message from every company.

Now Get back to work.


Reference Franz Kafka, receive a sensitivity training.

Photo By: “Thought I would join the party! *” by Catching The Rain is marked with Public Domain Mark 1.0.